Barb Himes, CD

In our work to advance infant-safe sleep practices and reduce mortality rates due to Sudden Unexpected Infant Death (SUID) and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), we are reminded of the importance of bereavement support during the holidays and the darker winter months and this season of awareness also reminds us of the value of grief support year-round. 

We continue to provide bereavement support to parents and families through online groups and individual telephone support and by seeking to connect those grieving to additional resources. 

One area we have seen growing is peer-driven bereavement support by and for fathers. There are many private Facebook groups, books, blogs, and retreats (1) And in early January 2023, what is believed to be the first such podcast program in North America, Guys and Grief, will begin weekly broadcasts on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. 

The podcast is being hosted by three fathers whose existing friendships were strengthened by mutual support around pregnancy or infant loss. Brian Scruton and his wife lost their first child in January 2019, Brad Kogut and his wife suffered six miscarriages over four years, with one successful pregnancy, and Brandon Thurman and his wife lost their daughter in 2019. None is a medical professional, and the program is designed to be approachable to the layperson. 

“A podcast can be a safe space for people to listen and grieve, and you can do it wherever you are,” Scruton says. 

A 2020 meta-study (2) of literature published between 2007 – 2019 that evaluated grief and bereavement behaviors of fathers following the death of their child concluded that in Western societies, despite evolving gender roles over the years, “many fathers navigate loss through stoicism, self-isolation, and hard work.” 

“We want to let dads know they are not alone and to help them grieve in the way that dads grieve,” Kogut says. “Group therapy is not for everyone.” 

The program, at the outset, will include a discussion of general perceptions of paternal grief, with each host outlining his own bereavement experience around miscarriage and infant loss. Podcast listeners will have the opportunity to submit questions and make requests for topics via email (guysandgrief@gmail.com) and the Facebook page. 

As the program format progresses, there will be guest speakers, lighter moments “when appropriate,” and a goal of developing a diverse community across generational, cultural, ethnic, and gender-identifying spheres. 

There is also a hope that the program may provide health care providers and other existing sources of support for families with an additional resource for grieving fathers and extended family members as they cope with infant and child loss. 

Guys and grief can be accessed via Spotify, Facebook, Instagram, and Apple Podcast, and a link to the podcast will also be available on the First Candle website. 

References: 

1. https://stillstandingmag.com/2018/06/17/dads-grieve-too-and-they-need-other-grieving-dads/
2. McNeil MJ, Baker JN, Snyder I, et al. Grief and Bereavement in Fathers After the Death of a Child: A Systematic Review. Pediatrics. 2021;147(4):e2020040386